Body sprays containing an ingredient dubbed “Molecule X” have triggered spontaneous human combustion in high school gyms across the country. Though it is not clear why this phenomenon does not affect young women, the problem is causing major headaches for manufacturers as well as victims.
A sixteen-year-old girl watched helplessly as one of her friends was reduced to ashes. “He kept holding his head in his hands saying it hurt, you know, and I was like take some aspirin or something. He was being such a baby about it and then there was this smell. It was like, so bad. He started screaming that he was burning up. That’s when it happened."
Scientists speculate that Molecule X, which is derived from formaldehyde, is responsible for the demise of over 500 teenage boys. Raymond Shrill, a journalist covering the fragrance industry, has smelled Molecule X and claims it is totally harmless. “It’s an indescribable scent, like the essence of car exhaust mixed with the sound of feral cats in heat who’ve dined on caviar,” says Shrill.
Toxicology reports are inconclusive, but manufacturers are working quickly to remove the product from store shelves to protect the public.
Note: Resemblance of photographic skeletal remains to anyone living, dead or about to die is purely coincidental. And in case you haven't guessed--THIS IS AN APRIL FOOL'S DAY POST.